Dear daring lovers of fashion and technology, this week in our GCB recap we learn how to style that dreaded (but ubiquitous) garment: the tee shirt.
Though I think the head stylist on the show took the week off, we will raise a kumquat margarita, and look forward to Snuggle Time with Blake and a hug from Annie Potts at the end. [New to this series? Here is last week’s recap, and the week before that. Glad you’re here!]
(Gif from myperfectescape.)
There is regular, absurd Dallas bling, and then there are opera diamond sets. Gigi, in hers and a bright strapless, is strongly recommending Amanda get “back in the saddle,” by joining her (and two charming guys Amanda’s age who are “in oil”) at The Merry Widow as we enter the episode.
In my dreams, I am related to Gigi, and she leaves a new Valentino on my bed to wear to a society event and lines up multiple potential gentleman callers to escort me. Amanda–who, as you’ll notice, is wearing her fringed jacket again (is this her work jacket? Her signature jacket?) –will have none of it, shooing the two oil men out the front door.
Meanwhile, Cricket is being shooed away by her Pilates instructor, but only because he just became engaged. He somehow resists Cricket’s small drop earrings, forthright gaze, and a coordinating ensemble (that includes a jacket, nice touch) for their usual extended workout session. Her ruby gloss here is also good–lipstick in the gym screams trying too hard, no matter what your intended exercise.
As far as fashion goes, lime sequins on Adam and Eve biblical costumes are not quite working for Ripp and Carlene as they attempt to spice it back up, which leads Carlene to ask Cricket about ways to let go of stress, and Cricket’s return to Taekwondo…
Cricket tells Carlene that after a good Taekwondo session, her tension is “fully released.” Looking at Cricket’s necklace: mine is not. Five strands make this a neckpiece–nothing lacy about it. Let’s talk about beaded straps. These are tricky because you want the necklace to contrast the strap while not clashing, and delicate necklaces that let the dress straps be the focus are a solid decision.
Lesson: Let attached dress jewelry do some work. Know that you need to roll high to make a bigger necklace fly, and try going the other way (daintier necklace strands) first.
(Note: Even at the Dojo, Cricket has four strands going. She is pictured here right before releasing tension.)
My main concern with GCB style in this episode happens in the below scene, where it seems to be Laundry Day in all three women’s empires.
Although she is borrowing one of Wonder Woman’s invincible bracelets, Cricket is wearing a shapeless dress with jewelry seemingly plucked at random. Imagine this without the baggy sleeves and the belt, with an actual neckline and without the hoop earrings (oh, the horror of hoops and [necklace] loops). Now, about Carlene; did she steal the plaid jumper from Amanda’s daughter?
Lessons: Never dress in leopard when you are a tigress/lioness. Never dress young when you are petite. It’s confusing for everyone.
Sharon’s top (shown here in action, as she attempts to take down Amanda in Boobylicious) is interesting, and if the tiered sleeves are a little Stevie Nicks, it’s really the accessories that boggle the mind–the tacky bangle that, let’s be honest, would be impossible to cook with on, and the necklaces that recall Miss Piggy’s look in 1983. How beautiful longer beads would be, in lapis and turquoise. Sort of an O Pioneers! look instead of Forever 21 Lone Star. Amanda watches as Sharon is taken down by an incoming Booby Basket delivery sliding down the pole.
Lesson: Colorblocking does not mean wearing every shade of a color, blocking everyone else’s usage. Sharing is caring.
To be fair, Sharon is in distress during the episode, and sadly, this is born out through a vintage-type pattern dress. She phones up the Texas Chili Council (sadly, not a real thing. Yet.), and asks how to prepare her Scotchbonnets.
After sharing the TCC motto: “If you want the heat to stay: puree,” Chili Guru Bethany instructs Sharon to yank her husband Zach’s chain. It is difficult to know where to begin in this perfect moment; the red earrings, necklace, bracelet, and shirt are all (one fervently hopes) part of an official TCC uniform. Crossing the complementary color wheel to have Bethany hold a big green chili pepper (this is a Poblano, right?) is like Christmas.
A few hours later, Heather and Amanda are dazed and confused by the Marriage All Stars taking the stage at Hillside Singles Group. Heather is wearing a fantastic peacock shade, but Amanda is realizing that actually, she is wearing a shirt and suit jacket in the same color family as the wall paint. Always a scary moment, even if she thought they were only going for mani-pedis and was tricked into going to Singles Night.
Lesson: Look at your taupe shirt. Now look at me. Now look at your clothing donation pile. Now back at me. Yes.
In the sanctuary, Blake confronts Cricket with Carlene’s terrible revelation that she thinks he isn’t giving Cricket what she needs. Cricket replies to Blake’s fears by asking if he ever thinks about how their ‘white marriage’ makes her feel. Here we’re back to classic Cricket, with a holy trinity of big necklace baubles that work with the V-neck shirt (that Blake designed).
I like the soft lipshade here, too. There’s a dark pencil skirt and matching belt underneath so we can pay attention to her face.
Lesson: To wear a logo tee well, accessorize with the neckline and soften the make-up palette. Go for a smart, tapered skirt in a dark color and include a dark belt without bright, metallic hardware.
In her way, Cricket turns it back around on Carlene, questioning that marital bed activity. Carlene is also wearing the shirt gracefully. (When you are petite, it’s even more important to tailor clothes to your proportions. Try a quick whip stitch from inside to take out extra width and trim the sleeves.)
Less full of ease is how Gigi and Amanda feel after she has smashed her Singles Night activity piñata (filled with painful relationship memories) and realizes it wasn’t her piñata. Gigi’s dress in this scene is so great in that it could go anywhere on a moment’s notice. Notice the base color? Indeed, like mother like daughter, but her dress has horizontal pleating, colors, and a shape.
Even a hug from Annie Potts cannot make that taupe scoop neck tee better. So Kate Middleton wore a dress in that color once and people created a whole taupe cult around it. That ends now. We still love you, Amanda.
And on love, this is a wondrous satin gown of the night. Cricket takes off her jewelry and listens as Blake apologizes.
She tells him for the first time that other men proposed to her before he did, but none of them loved her for who she is, as he does.
Theirs is a marriage of companionship and understanding of needs. She wears this gold and black vision for him (who surely appreciates the fabric, cut, and style) and for her own reasons, confident in her allure, and the many, many kinds of intimacy.
This is a marriage of cuddling in an enormous bed. TTFN, fashion friends.
This is a guest post from Kristen Taylor, New York-based writer, content strategist, and entrepreneur. She only wears pink to apologize. Sometimes not even then. Third Wave Fashion has been your fashion tech think tank since 2011. We publish the first ever printed fashion tech magazine, Third Wave. Follow us on Twitter or subscribe to our newsletter to stay on top of the latest in fashion tech + wearables.